How many tears until you let me stop?
They come uninvited and unwanted.
They come without known reason.
I hurt inside and out.
Physical pain isn't enough to cause this.
I am in agony inside.
My body chooses what my mind doesn't want.
Others don't understand.
"Cheer up," I hear from them.
"Speak positive" say the well-meaning
Even when positive would be a lie.
I tell my body, "you are blessed."
I try to convince it I'm OK.
It refuses to heed my command.
It reacts the way I don't want.
You collect my tears in jars, You said, Lord.
Those who sow in tears will reap in joy.
How many tears, Lord, until that time?
How much more do I bear?
"Be not anxious," says the preacher of Your word.
"I will invoke fight-or-flight anyhow!" my body says.
"Perfect love casts our fear," the pastor insists.
So why does my body betray me?
That which I do not want, my body does
And the righteous condemn my soul for it.
How many more tears, Lord, will they cause
Before they choose to accept my condition?
The condition is medical, I'm told.
People refuse to accept that.
The tears come anyway
And they continue through dryness.
How many tears, Lord, are enough?
Are your jars still in need?
I long for peace and rest.
Though it seems so far away.
How many tears, Lord, until I may stop?
How much more pain do I need?
I give it to You, but it returns as Sisyphus' rock.
How many more tears?
