I've always had a hard time with the mega-emphasis some preachers give to obedience. That's obedience to God, not to themselves, although I've seen too many of those as well. Going hand-in-hand with this kind of teaching you'll often find the words "responsibility" and "accountability." From what I've been able to figure out, God gives His children responsibilities, whether we want them or not, and we are expected to obey His commands or demands in fulfilling those responsibilities,
Why do people agree with, and even support, this stuff?
I prayed this morning, and God showed me some things. I was never a rebel. I didn't push the limits to see just how far I'd be allowed to go. I was afraid to. I was also wrapped up in a non-religious counterpart to legalism, which I can only call the "supposed-to's." You were "supposed to" do this, or "supposed to" do that. You were "supposed to" lie to a person's face so they wouldn't feel bad, but talking behind their back was fair game.
The problem with the "supposed-to's" is that there was obedience, responsibility, and accountability, but no grace, no forgiveness, and no questioning the rules. The rules were never written down, even; you were "supposed to" know them, and there was no excuse for not knowing. Who came up with the rules? I suppose you weren't "supposed to" know, because nobody claimed that one, and everybody claimed that one at the same time.
Since most people do whatever they can get away with, I guess the "supposed-to's" were "supposed to" keep people in line. The veiled threat behind missing one of the "supposed-to's" was ever-present, but never well-defined. I recall several times where I'd hit myself until I was red in the face (I had hoped to bleed, actually) to inflict punishment on myself for missing a "supposed-to." I couldn't stand the wait for the real punishment to come about, however it did that.
How would one be punished? It could be a storm knocking out the power for hours. It could be any sort of random event that made life uncomfortable or "unbearable." It could also be direct punishment from one of my parents, but usually it was something else. I didn't believe in God at the time, but I knew there was "something" or "someone" "up there" who was ready to get me for failing.
No grace.
No mercy.
No excuses!
Why do people agree with, and even support, this stuff?
I prayed this morning, and God showed me some things. I was never a rebel. I didn't push the limits to see just how far I'd be allowed to go. I was afraid to. I was also wrapped up in a non-religious counterpart to legalism, which I can only call the "supposed-to's." You were "supposed to" do this, or "supposed to" do that. You were "supposed to" lie to a person's face so they wouldn't feel bad, but talking behind their back was fair game.
The problem with the "supposed-to's" is that there was obedience, responsibility, and accountability, but no grace, no forgiveness, and no questioning the rules. The rules were never written down, even; you were "supposed to" know them, and there was no excuse for not knowing. Who came up with the rules? I suppose you weren't "supposed to" know, because nobody claimed that one, and everybody claimed that one at the same time.
Since most people do whatever they can get away with, I guess the "supposed-to's" were "supposed to" keep people in line. The veiled threat behind missing one of the "supposed-to's" was ever-present, but never well-defined. I recall several times where I'd hit myself until I was red in the face (I had hoped to bleed, actually) to inflict punishment on myself for missing a "supposed-to." I couldn't stand the wait for the real punishment to come about, however it did that.
How would one be punished? It could be a storm knocking out the power for hours. It could be any sort of random event that made life uncomfortable or "unbearable." It could also be direct punishment from one of my parents, but usually it was something else. I didn't believe in God at the time, but I knew there was "something" or "someone" "up there" who was ready to get me for failing.
No grace.
No mercy.
No excuses!
Oh, and no instructions, either. You're "supposed to" know that, too.
Also no rewards. Just lack of punishment.
With that kind of mind-set, "accountability" was ever-present. You couldn't run. You couldn't hide. You couldn't get away with anything. The only thing worse than missing out on one of the "supposed-to's" was being caught by someone else, who would torment you on their own, above and beyond the "god of the supposed-to's." There were no rewards, only a break in the punishment. Oh, something bad happened? Obviously you were "supposed to" do something you didn't do, or you did something you weren't "supposed to." What was it? You're "supposed to" know that!
With that kind of mind-set, "accountability" was ever-present. You couldn't run. You couldn't hide. You couldn't get away with anything. The only thing worse than missing out on one of the "supposed-to's" was being caught by someone else, who would torment you on their own, above and beyond the "god of the supposed-to's." There were no rewards, only a break in the punishment. Oh, something bad happened? Obviously you were "supposed to" do something you didn't do, or you did something you weren't "supposed to." What was it? You're "supposed to" know that!
This "god of the supposed-to's" was an idol, but one that wasn't desired or wanted, only feared.
I recall when my parents and I moved to Florida. It was an almost 1,000 mile drive from Maryland to Florida, mostly on Interstate 95. A U-Haul led the convoy, followed by my red '78 Ford Fiesta, followed by Mom driving the family's white Fiesta, and my grandfather in his white Fiesta serving as our "back door." I dutifully followed the 55 mph speed limit, like I was "supposed to," while my mother was constantly on the CB (which should tell you how long ago this was) nagging me to keep up with Pop in the U-Haul. That freaked me out. I was "supposed to" stay at the speed limit, but I was also "supposed to" keep up in such a way that we "didn't lose" the U-Haul. The idea that Pop could've slowed down and allowed us to catch up without breaking the speed limit was not an option. I had two "supposed-to's" that I couldn't keep at the same time, even though I was "supposed to."
I'm 52 now, and I'm still haunted by the "supposed-to's." A preacher once told us that married couples were "supposed to" have children, that doing so -- by adoption if not by birth -- was a command from God that we had to obey! By that time I was married, but we couldn't have children of our own, which was fine by me because I didn't want to mess up any kids in the way I was messed up as a kid. That meant being child-free was willful disobedience, which was sin of the worst kind. Speaking to the pastor afterward didn't provide any escape or comfort or mercy.
As a result, I assumed I couldn't be accepted by God. I assumed God was "supposed to" depart from me, in spite of Biblical promises to the contrary.
I'm slowly recovering from that big damage, but I'm also having to deal with the return of the bitter, angry, unforgiving, unrelenting angry "god of the supposed-to's."
I'm starting to realize now, thanks to some statements Pastor Tullian Tchividjian wrote in his book, Jesus + Nothing = Everything, that the heavy emphasis on obedience, accountability, and responsibility might come from those who weren't damaged by the "god of the supposed-to's," that legalistic, unforgiving entity that was eager to punish and torment over every little thing. It would explain why I've never been able to understand why everybody has to have an accountability partner. Why would I need another tormenter?
I recall when my parents and I moved to Florida. It was an almost 1,000 mile drive from Maryland to Florida, mostly on Interstate 95. A U-Haul led the convoy, followed by my red '78 Ford Fiesta, followed by Mom driving the family's white Fiesta, and my grandfather in his white Fiesta serving as our "back door." I dutifully followed the 55 mph speed limit, like I was "supposed to," while my mother was constantly on the CB (which should tell you how long ago this was) nagging me to keep up with Pop in the U-Haul. That freaked me out. I was "supposed to" stay at the speed limit, but I was also "supposed to" keep up in such a way that we "didn't lose" the U-Haul. The idea that Pop could've slowed down and allowed us to catch up without breaking the speed limit was not an option. I had two "supposed-to's" that I couldn't keep at the same time, even though I was "supposed to."
I'm 52 now, and I'm still haunted by the "supposed-to's." A preacher once told us that married couples were "supposed to" have children, that doing so -- by adoption if not by birth -- was a command from God that we had to obey! By that time I was married, but we couldn't have children of our own, which was fine by me because I didn't want to mess up any kids in the way I was messed up as a kid. That meant being child-free was willful disobedience, which was sin of the worst kind. Speaking to the pastor afterward didn't provide any escape or comfort or mercy.
As a result, I assumed I couldn't be accepted by God. I assumed God was "supposed to" depart from me, in spite of Biblical promises to the contrary.
I'm slowly recovering from that big damage, but I'm also having to deal with the return of the bitter, angry, unforgiving, unrelenting angry "god of the supposed-to's."
I'm starting to realize now, thanks to some statements Pastor Tullian Tchividjian wrote in his book, Jesus + Nothing = Everything, that the heavy emphasis on obedience, accountability, and responsibility might come from those who weren't damaged by the "god of the supposed-to's," that legalistic, unforgiving entity that was eager to punish and torment over every little thing. It would explain why I've never been able to understand why everybody has to have an accountability partner. Why would I need another tormenter?
